Ready for Conversational-Confidence On-Demand?

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Look no further than the romantic comedy How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days to shine a light on needy relationships. Clayton Olson is an International Relationship Coach, Master NLP Practitioner and Facilitator.

Another example would be that people who enjoy their job come across as non-needy, especially while on the job because they are channeling their mind's hyperactivity through their job. Rather than have a gradually deteriorating relationship, these somewhat needy people have roller coaster relationships with many emotional ups and downs. Time flies, self-consciousness disappears, and you are fully immersed in the activity at hand.

Ready for Conversational-Confidence On-Demand?

Have you ever been described as needy or clingy? Do you get so excited about a new friendship or relationship that you bombard the other person with attention, only to find that the person starts to seem distant? If you find yourself wanting to call, text, or e-mail someone a whole lot more than they contact you, you've probably figured out that neediness is a turn-off to most people. See Step 1 to learn how to find the source of your neediness and gain the confidence to tone it down. Put on the brakes. Cherish the novelty of it all and the excitement of having something new, because it'll never be new again. It can be nerve-wracking not knowing how a certain connection is going to unfold, but it's also exciting! Don't try to push the connection into a stage that it's not ready for, or you'll miss the fun and create stress. However, instead of calling up your friend first thing Saturday morning to make more plans, give it a few days. Savor the fun time you had and give your friend the chance to savor it, too. When it's time to hang out again, you'll both have had the chance to actually look forward to seeing each other, making your time together all the sweeter. Take off the rose-tinted glasses. Part of the reason people get disproportionately excited sometimes is because we tend to idealize others in the very beginning of a relationship. When you first meet someone with whom you have a connection, it's so easy to get lost in fantasies of how awesome your friendship or relationship might be. However, with those fantasies come high expectations, and sometimes those expectations are unrealistic! Right now you might think you want to spend all of your time with the person, but you're setting yourself up to be let down. They will make mistakes, and you need to be ready to cope and , rather than act shocked that the person dares to be anything but perfect. Imagine your interaction with this person is like a tennis or volleyball game. Every time you initiate contact, you throw the ball to their side of the court. Then, you have to wait for them to send it back. You don't toss a whole bunch more just to make sure he or she is still interested in playing. If you're a little on the needy side, you probably get nervous and worried while you're waiting. If you've already gotten in touch with someone you sent them an e-mail or text message, or you gave them a call and left a voice message there's no need to do it again. If you trust this person, then you have to give them the benefit of the doubt and assume this is the case. No matter how close you are to another person, spending all your time with them is going to get overwhelming. Even if the person loves you, he or she is not going to want to be with you at every waking and maybe sleeping moment. If you find it difficult to be away from the person for even a few minutes, you're almost definitely creating a situation that will eventually blow up in your face. As hard as it might be, force yourself to back off and give the person some space. Spend a few nights away, do activities you like to do, and don't call or text for a bit. Recognize signs that the other person is no longer interested. It happens sometimes for a variety of reasons, but one thing is for sure--showering the person with more attention will never change their mind. Persistence is not the answer! Pulling away may be the person's way of jumping ship without confronting you. Any prodding from you won't change the way they feel, and deep down inside, you know that. If someone doesn't have the decency to respond, they're not worth your time. You deserve better than that. Some people just aren't good about maintaining a friendship or relationship, and sometimes they're lazy, or forgetful. More often, though, if someone isn't responsive, it's not because they forgot to call you back - it's because they made a choice not to. It doesn't have to mean the end of your relationship. Respect the other person's wishes. Getting ignored or iced out can feel like rejection - well, it is rejection, and that really hurts. But once someone has decided they're ready to move on, there's nothing you can do to force the issue. Do your best to move on and resist the urge to be pushy. Lashing out or trying to hurt the other person in return will only make the person grow even more distant. See if your needs are being met. If the person on your mind doesn't flat-out reject you, but he or she demonstrates flaky behavior and seems to be leading you on, think about whether you really want this person in your life. If the person is making you feel like you're asking for too much, but you know you're not being excessively needy, then maybe it's the other person who has a problem. If your expectations are reasonable, but you're always feeling let down or neglected, it might be time to find a new friend or significant other who makes you feel valued and cared for. It's normal to have phases where one person is often busy and the other one seems to be calling and texting more. However, if this is a constant pattern in your relationship, and you don't think it's going to change, get out of the relationship before it hurts your self-esteem. Get busy doing other things. People who are busy simply don't have enough time to be needy; they're always preoccupied with other things, and guess what? Those other things are what make people more interesting friends and romantic partners. If you have nothing better to do than to wait for someone to call or write back, then you're probably bored and you know what they say - if you're bored, you're boring. What are you waiting for? Put yourself out there, apply yourself, and have fun! All your worries will fall away, and if and when the person gets in touch, it'll be a delightful surprise, not a frantic relief! Call other people once in a while. Focusing your life around just one person isn't good for your mental health or self-esteem. Call other people in your group of friends instead of pouring all your energy into one person! Get some people together to go to a movie or out to dinner, and don't spend the whole time worrying about that person. Enjoy all the other personalities that fill your life - you have room for more than one friend. Know that it's OK to be single. Many people remain single and still enjoy their life to the fullest. They have freedom and fun, and in many cases they are just as happy as people in a relationship. The deeper truth is that having a relationship is a want, not a need. The problem comes when you make it a need and start believing that you can't survive without it. Work on your self-esteem. Odds are, if you struggle with neediness, you're probably a little lacking in the department. You might be looking for someone to make you feel better about yourself, but the fact is that you are the only person who can really do that. You shouldn't base your happiness on someone else. Sure, it's okay for someone to make you happy, but if they're your only source of happiness, you might become angry or sad whenever they're not around, and that can be very demanding for the other person! It makes them feel guilty, obligated and eventually, resentful towards you. Act like you want a best friend or significant other, but you definitely don't need them. Once you sort out what's going on inside, you can deal with any issues you might have relating to other people. Neediness is often associated with a shortage of trust, and sometimes a fear of abandonment. When you find yourself doubting someone's feelings for you, or their loyalty, ask yourself why you don't trust them. Is it because they did something questionable? Or is it because someone in your past hurt you, and now you think this new person is going to do the same thing? Reap the benefits of being independent. Being secure and non-needy makes you more attractive. It's like a trick: the more secure and non-needy you genuinely are, the more attractive you become. Once you're really independent, you'll know it. You'll be confident enough to handle relationships without worrying excessively about what the other person thinks. You'll cherish your alone time as much as your time with the person you love. Understand that the human mind is inherently needy. Our mind is pretty hyperactive as it always wants to do or acquire something and when you don't have something to do that's when you feel needy or bored or frustrated. Consequently, when you meet them, they seem non-needy and attractive. Another example would be that people who enjoy their job come across as non-needy, especially while on the job because they are channeling their mind's hyperactivity through their job. Similarly, if a guy is in a good relationship, he doesn't feel needy in front of other girls because he's already getting that 'want' satisfied from another person. As a result, he seems pretty non-needy and that's the reason other people feel attracted to him. It's a researched fact that guys who are already in a relationship are attractive to others. They are all fleeting external factors. Which means remove that 'external factor' and the mind will become needy again, at least in that aspect. For example: moving to another city away from your friends, losing your job, breaking up with your partner etc. You may continue to follow your passions, hang out with friends, relationships etc. You become simple and humble, like an ocean. I've been working on my self esteem for a few months and really focusing on this! It's hard for many reasons. I feel a lot better about myself now, but there's still a long, long way to go. These words are all the pieces missing from my puzzle. It explains neediness overall and how to see the light amidst the mist. Thanks for sharing this knowledge! Happy days for all. I know I can be a bit much and I see it. I really hate feeling like this because I know the damage it can do. This article is a good reminder of how I should be and that my neediness is, I suppose, selfish on my part. I will definitely try to do some of the things recommended, as I have nothing to lose. Thank you for the article.

Once you have enough self-confidence to communicate your desires in an authentic way, you will simply tell a del that you are attracted to her, instead of desperately begging her to let you touch her boobies. While a good girl might like the pampering at first from a needy guy, it will quickly become annoying. Is external validation always wrong. Overcoming neediness stop being needy involves learning to difference in a new way. Please contact us at or at the postal address listed above, attention: Data compliance department. She said she still loved me, but there was somebody else better out there for me. If so, keep on reading because I will try to give you some tips on how to stop being needy. The self-esteem department takes a beating when you put in more effort than required in a relationship. Remember what you were like when you and your boyfriend first met. When you find yourself doubting someone's feelings for you, or their loyalty, ask yourself why you don't social them. Stop over analyzing EVERYTHING.